Week Three

It's funny how when you are in the ministry, God does not show you same lessons or convicts you of the same area in your life. I think it's funny how fast paced God is in moving on with the lessons. It's like after He shows you one area of your life that needs work, He says, "OK, ready for the next one?" I predicted that after overwhelming last two weeks about patience and love toward the children, God would continually teach and remind me how to deal with rebellious and disobedient kids. Well, it has become a pattern in my life for God to do unexpected things especially when I start to confidently predict His ways.

Week 3 consisted of different kinds of challenges. The camp director changed my junior counselor (kind of like a helping counselor. There are two counselors per cabin) who I immediately connected with. I liked my other counselor but this new one, Ms. Blair, was also a blessing. She was younger than me - she just graduated high school this spring - but her maturity and spiritual discernment was so amazing. She loved participating in cabin Bible studies, kept the kids in line and respected my decision. Not that the other junior counselor had not done that but Blair took it to a whole different level which I appreciated. It's funny comparing her to how I was when I was her age. She is so mature and in love with Jesus that observing her I often wondered how my life could been different if only I had the kind of faith she has when I was freshly out of high school. This is going off on a different tangent but during early years of college, I struggled with issues that could have been avoided if only I had trusted and relied on Christ for all my needs. God, out of his mercy, rescued me and has kept my feet from slipping too far and I am who I am today because He has brought me back to him. But often times I wonder if my wandering years were wasted and how they brought me nothing but heartaches.

But like I said, this is going off on a tangent.

I had pretty mild and easy to handle children during week 3. One thing that I am grateful about was how well they slept at night. I had one dominant personality in the cabin of 7 girls, contrasted with several rebellious and dominant personalities last week. Week 3 girls were pretty tame and no one had medical issues. This, however, made the week far from easy.

Firstly, we had a record breaking hot weather in the Clinton area which wore the counselors and the staff's patience thin. Besides the heat, one of my camper did the unthinkable (at least in my mind) by peeing on the floor of the cabin the first morning of the week. She literally got up from her bed and peed on the floor. It was so strange to me since I thought that a child could just wet her bed instead but she got out from her bed, walked up to my bed and just started peeing. The worst is I was sleeping so when I got up from the sound of her urine hitting the floor, I lay on my bed dumbfounded. Luckily, the girls in my cabin didn't tease her as I warned them we are sisters in this cabin and that we should be looking out for another. The rest of the week, however, this girl, Alania, didn't get along with rest of the cabin very much. She actually made other girls upset because they claimed that she was "too bossy." She was the only white girl in the cabin and although she was only 9, she was almost as tall as me and probably weighed 20 pounds more than me. I think she was suffering from some kind of physical disability or she was just made bigger than everyone else naturally. I don't know which was the case, but her physical appearance made her stand out from rest of the campers. It was hard for me to be patient with her because she needed help with basic things a 9 year old could do. She needed help getting dressed, putting her shoes on and taking care of her stuff. I know that these things are trivial but since I was with her for 23 hours a day, I started losing patience and kindness in the way I dealt with her. That is one area that I know I still need work on. I have the best intentions for the children but I tend to lose patience very quickly and my words need to be kinder. If you could pray for me specifically for these areas, I would appreciate it. It is not just with children but in my everyday life as well. Patience and kindness is a virtue that I need to have. Thank you, Lord, for helping me realize this.

There were also some drama among the counselors and issues that needed to be dealt as far as organization and structure of the camp. I think this is one of the most difficult challenges any minister faces in doing the Lord's work. Taking care of these children had been challenging enough, but to lack unity and harmony among my brothers and sisters in Christ with whom I was laboring for Christ was very difficult to bear. I will confess that being the introvert that I am, I was so exhausted from 24/7 social interactions with children that I neglected to connect with the counselors as well. This week, another counselor who I had grown somewhat close to, poured out her frustrations and lack of contentment she was feeling about other counselors. I do not blame her for some of her frustrations were legitimate but I had never bothered to address them to the leadership staff or had the energy to. Her emotional conversation with me moved me to realize that it was time to address these unspoken issues. I encouraged her to bring it up in one of our daily morning senior counselor meetings and assured her that I would back her up. This plan backfired and the meeting ended with other counselors feeling like we did not appreciate their work and we thought that we were doing all the work. That, of course, was not our intention. I will admit that we did not address the issue the way we should have and could have used more prayer and wisdom in bringing up the issues. But the issues themselves were legitimate and we had the best intentions. Facing opposition from the other counselors and the staff was like the last straw in the hat for me. I just wanted to leave this place. "Your work is fruitless," I could hear the enemy's voice in my mind. "And no one supports or appreciates your work." It was hard for me to shake this thought off and I seriously considered leaving the work. Discontentment took root in my heart and all I wanted to was to go home.

But I didn't want to quit. A familiar passage came to my mind. "Rejoice in suffering," Apostle Paul says to believers, "for suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope." When I took the issue to God, I felt strange peace in my heart once again. Sitting in a hot room during my break hour, kneeling and sweating, I cried out to God. I felt a desire to reconcile with the other counselors. After my prayer, I approached some of the counselors who had expressed resentment at the meeting and offered a sincere apology. "I didn't mean to sound like I was doing all the work," I said. They said that they didn't feel personally attacked and felt similar frustrations that I felt. At the end of the day, we were all ok.

The desire to go home came again on Friday evening. After all the campers left, the camp director pointed out some "stars of the week," among girl seniors counselors that made me feel not appreciated. I wasn't chosen although I had tried so hard this week. Instead, I was given the award of "most improved senior counselor." What did that mean? Did it mean I was a bad counselor the past two weeks? Of course not. But that was the lie that crept into my heart. Looking back on it, I realize that it was the enemy's tactic to sow discontentment in my heart. But I have had it. All the counselors are from Western PA and they had the opportunity to rest at home once the campers left this weekend and I was stuck at the Promise Camp property. 'All alone after your fruitless labor,' I heard the thought in my mind.

I didn't know how to combat this thought. Maybe it was true that my work here was done. God had done tremendous things during the past two weeks and it was time that I go home with two weeks left at camp. But I didn't want to quit. How would I ever survive these remaining two weeks? Oh I know, I could just not care. Yes, let's just not care. After all, that is what many of the counselors here were feeling. They are not spiritually mature and they just don't care. They seem to be having a blast at Promise Camp. But me? I care too much. Maybe that is my problem.

Well, these were my horrible train of thought last night. Reflecting on the past week, I have had it and the only way I could survive the two weeks, in my opinion, was not caring. Just stop caring.

I was stopped short because I knew it wasn't true. Stop caring was never the answer to accomplishing anything. In fact, this is the exact speech I heard at my brother Peter's graduation from a bright and motivated valedictorian about watching out for "don't care" attitude in life. Our culture is saturated with "I don't care" attitude and that has gotten us nowhere. When we don't care, what could we possibly accomplish? And yes, I suppose that I could get by these two weeks not giving my 100% in doing the Lord's work. But how would I feel after the my careless work was over? I know I would never have these two weeks back that I went about not caring about the Lord's work or what He could do through me. My two weeks of "not caring" work would produce no value.

Needless to say, I repented of my selfish and negative attitude. I still want to give my 100% because I long to hear my Lord say "Well done, my good and faithful servant." and I want to finish the race, keep the faith and fight the good fight.

Week 4 children will arrive tomorrow. As I was praying for them tonight, I had a feeling that this coming week will be very tough. These are 13-14 year old children and from the way week 2 which consisted of 11-13 year olds had given me incredible trouble, I have a feeling week 4 will be rough as well. Two more weeks! I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!